Is It Your Personality, or a Survival Tactic?
Uncovering the hidden 80% of your mind that dictates your success.
We all have a story we tell ourselves about who we are. "I'm a perfectionist," "I'm a workaholic," "I'm just someone who avoids the spotlight." We treat these traits as fixed parts of our personality, the fundamental building blocks of us. But what if they aren't?
In a recent fascinating conversation with Amy Kemp, a certified Habit Finder Coach, we explored a powerful idea: many of the traits we consider to be our personality are actually just brilliant survival adaptations we developed years ago. And while they once kept us safe, they may now be the very things holding us back.
The Subconscious Engine Running Your Life
Amy’s work focuses on a crucial distinction: it's not about behavioral habits like what time you wake up, but about our deep-seated "habits of thinking". The most startling fact? The subconscious mind makes up more than 80% of our thought life, and we are largely unaware of its immense impact on our decisions, relationships, and follow-through.
These subconscious patterns are grooves carved into our brain over years of repeated thoughts, strengthened by our innate drive to survive. The thought patterns that helped us feel safe or seen as a child became deeply embedded. But here’s the critical turning point:
"When you employ a survival mechanism past the point of needing it, it becomes damaging and detrimental."
Recognizing Your "Gatekeepers"
Think about the roles we play. The host of the show calls these our "protective parts" or "gatekeepers"—subconscious strategies we use to protect ourselves. Do any of these sound familiar?
The extreme people-pleaser
The no-boundary setter
The fly-under-the-radar part
The extreme perfectionist
The workaholic
These aren't character flaws; they are often brilliant strategies for surviving an experience that was overwhelming. For one of Amy’s clients, growing up with an alcoholic parent meant safety depended on not being seen. Decades later, long after the threat was gone, her subconscious still screamed "DANGER" at any decision that felt extravagant or visible, like choosing to buy a plane ticket instead of driving.
The cost of these outdated programs can be devastating. Another of Amy's clients grew up with the unwritten rule that rest was lazy and work was always praised. She internalized this so deeply that she worked herself into a silent heart attack, a powerful and terrifying example of how our thought habits can override even our most basic physical needs.
The Work of Rewriting Your Story
Uncovering these layers isn't easy. It’s often the point where coaching meets deeper healing work to address the root of the trauma or unmet expectations. The goal is to move from a state of conditional value—"I am valuable
if I achieve this, if I look this way, if my kids succeed"—to a state of inherent value: "I am, therefore I am valuable. Period the end".
Every decision we make has an explanation below the surface. The work is not about blame, but about curiosity and understanding. As Amy reminds us, the people who are willing to do the brave work of healing have her utmost respect, because it is the most courageous and worthwhile journey we can take.
You can get through life without doing this work. As my own father once told me after reading about my journey with anxiety, "You can, but not without a cost". That cost is paid in our relationships, our potential, and our ability to live a fully connected life.
What "unwritten rules" from your past might still be running your present?
To hear the full conversation, listen to the latest episode here: [Link to Podcast Episode]
You can learn more about Amy Kemp, her book "I See You," and take her free Habit Finder Assessment at her website, amykemp.com.
add amy website https://amykemp.com/
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Of course. Here is the updated Substack post with the website link included.
Is It Your Personality, or a Survival Tactic?
Uncovering the hidden 80% of your mind that dictates your success.
We all have a story we tell ourselves about who we are. "I'm a perfectionist," "I'm a workaholic," "I'm just someone who avoids the spotlight." We treat these traits as fixed parts of our personality, the fundamental building blocks of us. But what if they aren't?
In a recent fascinating conversation with Amy Kemp, a certified Habit Finder Coach, we explored a powerful idea: many of the traits we consider to be our personality are actually just brilliant survival adaptations we developed years ago. And while they once kept us safe, they may now be the very things holding us back.
The Subconscious Engine Running Your Life
Amy’s work focuses on a crucial distinction: it's not about behavioral habits like what time you wake up, but about our deep-seated "habits of thinking". The most startling fact? The subconscious mind makes up more than 80% of our thought life, and we are largely unaware of its immense impact on our decisions, relationships, and follow-through.
These subconscious patterns are grooves carved into our brain over years of repeated thoughts, strengthened by our innate drive to survive. The thought patterns that helped us feel safe or seen as a child became deeply embedded. But here’s the critical turning point:
"When you employ a survival mechanism past the point of needing it, it becomes damaging and detrimental."
Recognizing Your "Gatekeepers"
Think about the roles we play. The host of the show calls these our "protective parts" or "gatekeepers"—subconscious strategies we use to protect ourselves. Do any of these sound familiar?
The extreme people-pleaser
The no-boundary setter
The fly-under-the-radar part
The extreme perfectionist
The workaholic
These aren't character flaws; they are often brilliant strategies for surviving an experience that was overwhelming. For one of Amy’s clients, growing up with an alcoholic parent meant safety depended on not being seen. Decades later, long after the threat was gone, her subconscious still screamed "DANGER" at any decision that felt extravagant or visible, like choosing to buy a plane ticket instead of driving.
The cost of these outdated programs can be devastating. Another of Amy's clients grew up with the unwritten rule that rest was lazy and work was always praised. She internalized this so deeply that she worked herself into a silent heart attack, a powerful and terrifying example of how our thought habits can override even our most basic physical needs.
The Work of Rewriting Your Story
Uncovering these layers isn't easy. It’s often the point where coaching meets deeper healing work to address the root of the trauma or unmet expectations. The goal is to move from a state of conditional value—"I am valuable
if I achieve this, if I look this way, if my kids succeed"—to a state of inherent value: "I am, therefore I am valuable. Period the end".
Every decision we make has an explanation below the surface. The work is not about blame, but about curiosity and understanding. As Amy reminds us, the people who are willing to do the brave work of healing have her utmost respect, because it is the most courageous and worthwhile journey we can take.
You can get through life without doing this work. As the host's own father once said after reading about her journey with anxiety, "You can, but not without a cost". That cost is paid in our relationships, our potential, and our ability to live a fully connected life.
What "unwritten rules" from your past might still be running your present?
You can learn more about Amy Kemp, her book "I See You," and take her free Habit Finder Assessment at her website,
https://amykemp.com/
.
